Beychella, Spring Gone Missing, And Other Things

This morning, I woke up with a myriad of Queen Bey videos from her #Beychella performance last night. Yesterday was a bit of a gloomy day for me. Really, it’s been cold and raining for the last month and a half and I’m just tired of it. When I saw those Beyoncé videos though, I had to get up and get my life together because I mean look at Bey! Yesss Queen! It has been a struggle these past few months. I am back living at home with my mom and I work a full time and a part time job all while finishing my classes online (graduation is in four weeks!). Not to mention my check engine light just came on and my computer screen broke all in the same week. *Cries to self.

As much as I am exhausted and I’ve thought about giving up many times, this morning, I stumbled across a video of a Black woman talking about her experiences with obtaining her PhD. At this point, I’m just trying to graduate from undergrad but a PhD is a goal of mine. I always realize when I look at the people who have really impressed me and have pushed me to move forward it has always been Black women! I am so grateful for the everyday Beyoncés I have in my life because when I’m stuck in a rut those are the people who inspire me to get out of it. I recently found out I was accepted into my dream school Georgetown University for my masters program in communication, culture and technology! I was also awarded a partial merit scholarship and a research and communications graduate associateship position in the office. Honestly, it’s everything I was hoping for. But even with all of that, I am still very stressed about how to pay for living in D.C.

I’ve been working at a brokerage firm and it’s really been making me consider my finances and my head has been spinning all over the place. I’ve been applying to every scholarship under the sun it seems and I have faith that some of them will work it’s way to me. I haven’t blogged about my personal journey in a while because I’ve been so focused on figuring out what I’m going to do after graduation but it’s important to acknowledge where I am right now. I’ve changed my mind so many times but one of my Black girl magic of a mentor reassured me that’s just the way that I think and that I need to come to terms with it. That was a relief. You know how you feel like you’re a mess sometimes and then someone just comes in and says “hey, you’re okay though.” I mean, it’s important.

I say all of this really just to say that I am thankful for the movement that’s happening in my life right now and I wanted to share that with you. This final year of undergraduate school has been hard and I’ve come to the realization that’s it’s only going to get harder really but not in a super depressing way (at least not today). I am really hoping for the best out here. If there is anyone else who can relate, maybe you are graduating this year too and plan on moving or going to grad school or have no clue, here’s to letting you know that you are not alone! I’m still trying to figure all of this out too.

Truthfully,

Taylor